Mochilera, Married Lady

In my search for an article unrelated to travel, I happened upon a fantastic Latina travel blog called Mochileras y Viajeras (Women Backpackers & Travelers). It would be on a Latina website that I would find my home planet for my feelings about travel. From the intro post by the creator of the blog, Julie Sie, I was sold. Julie's description about her initial fears of travel mirrored mine so closely when I started that she felt like a kindred spirit: 

[My translation] "Many years ago I got into the mind, heart and body fascination for travel: short, long, planned, aimlessly, in groups or alone ... and I needed some time to make the decision to start.Gradually I discovered that what kept me from traveling was FEAR . Yes, well capitalized and bold because they were countless fears!, tiny concerns that wreak havoc on your mind and paralyze you without you noticing.I worked through the concerns back and forth in my mind: What will I do with my life?, Is it worth spending my savings on a trip?, Where will I go, and how do I save money?, Is traveling alone a good idea?, What if I get sick, and I get injured or something happens to me?, How much money is enough?, What will happen when I return?, What if I don't ever return? .... there were several concerns and not a single answer in sight. I realized then that these fears were based primarily on the NEED for control, comfort and safety most women have been taught growing up . These three ideas that society, our parents, teachers and even strangers have made us see as an indispensable part of life and that we (without realizing it) have accepted as absolute truths. " J.S. 

I can't tell you how often I've read things about how women shouldn't travel alone or that it's too dangerous for women to travel without men. As Julie points out, the lessons many women learn from a young age prime them to fear travel or to believe travel is irresponsible. I've even recently experienced new gender related backlash to travel now that I'm married. I recently went to NOLA with my best friend for a couple of days, and the most common question in connection to the trip was "You went without Jesse (my husband)?" Even my mother's aunt, who has travelled the world alone for decades and never married, told my mom I couldn't travel anymore now that I needed to worry about my esposo. I will say that my husband does support my love for travel and is very supportive, but I definitely feel the pressure from others to essentially stay in the domestic space. It relates back to Julie's note on control and safety. Now that I have a husband, he is my protector, so why would I ever choose to travel without him? There is also this strange belief that I need to be with him 24-7 now to take care of him?1? I married my husband b/c he is a fantastic, intelligent, and independent man—he doesn't need me to take care of him. 

I actually love to travel with my husband. He taught me to travel and was the one who helped me overcome my fears, but I also want to the experiences that come from traveling with friends or traveling alone. I have trouble understanding why this is a problem to folks? It's interesting to see how uncomfortable it makes people and I often wonder if this is why some marriages fail. Couples choose, with people in their life supporting this model, to meld into each other. I have been with this man for almost 10 years and he is my best friend and the person I always prefer to spend my time with, but I feel that way b/c I have never lost my independence in this relationship. We each have our own interests, friends, and activities—making our time together all the more special. 

I think this is what I love the most about the Mochilera website. If you look through the posts, it's not just young, single women describing their travel experiences. It has several posts by mothers, older women, and basically the "non-traditional" female world traveler. It reminded me yet again that it's okay to travel alone, with my husband, with friends, or even with my children one day if we choose to have them. It's about getting over those fears (and always doing research of course) and taking the leap despite peoples discomfort, unsolicited advice, and judgment.